Last night I have been noticing a feeling of sadness.
During the last week it did pop and ache a lot in my system (as well as in my partner’s system), anyway and I feel that a lot of energy is moving on our planet, currently. Old stuff, new stuff, detoxification, newcalibration… the whole package. – That’s okay. One breath, one step at a time and all is well.
Last night, now, this feeling of sadness came up. A feeling of letting go. The letting go of the imagination of how a caring surrounding should look like. The letting go of the wish to be cared for. The letting go of the illusion from childhood that somebody protects and cares for us.
Many of us, including myself, carry this wound within that the care of family did not look like we would have hoped for in a perfect world. We are taught to tuck this wound aside. We are taught to not be childish and make no big thing out of it. We are taught that the world is not perfect and that we better grow up and deal with it.
And so we tuck that wound away and grow up. And so this unhealed wound, this unbalanced sadness influences all of our relationships. It influences of how we define ourselves, how we define our values and priorities, how we define our position in the interaction with others. And most of the time this definition includes a lack of comfort, a lack of empathy and compassion for ourselves – and therefore also for others. And then we wonder why we do not experience abundance, flow and happiness in our lives. And then we assume that we probably are not worth it and that we are selfish and ungrateful in not being happy enough with what we have.
But how can we be happy if we do not allow our wound to heal?
The new energy that currently is coming in does not allow that anymore. It does not allow us to tuck away wounds and forget them, thinking they are too small to be acknowledged. The new energy demands that we feel into those unbalanced aspects of ourselves so that we can integrate them, again. The new energy demands being all that we are – and that means we need to integrate all of our aspects because, how else can we be “all that we are”?
That feeling I noticed last night was my own. And I did acknowledge, embrace and integrate it. Yet, it was not all mine. It also was something that many of us are experiencing, now. And many of us are feeling scared because they do not know what to do with this stuff that is coming up. The old ways of dealing with it are not working anymore. But what is the alternative?
It feels scary to allow the feeling of sadness, loneliness and hopelessness. Facing the “Good Bye” to our childhood dreams feels terrible. And then it feels stupid because we feel so shaken by something that we were taught is childish.
The truth is: It is not stupid. We were taught to disconnect from our inner knowingness. And now we are craving reconnection. The truth is that in the new energy there is no such thing as reconnection, because everything is new. The truth is that facing those sad feelings can feel as if we lose all hope we ever had.
The truth also is that we are not losing it. We are just letting go of an old way of getting it. We are letting go of ways that do not work anymore, that maybe never have worked. And we are making space for a new way. A way that maybe does not provide reconnection but rather provides a newconnection, instead.
It is not the ending. It is the beginning of the fulfilment of our dreams. And it is not depending on anybody or anything on the outside. It lies in our own hands. And that is a blessing, indeed.