Are you noticing that, too?
It seems to me that times are getting more and more intense and yet sometimes time seems to fly by faster than I can say the word “time”.
Most of the time I manage to stay grounded – that means centred in my heart – and simply go with the flow. Sometimes I may look more elegantly than at other times, sometimes I may float while I may stumble at other times. Yet, even if I stumble I usually am doing with some amount of inner grace, being able to be compassionate with me, stumbling, being able to lend myself a loving hand in getting up, again.
Most recently I don’t feel that grounded, anymore. I rather feel that I am trying to catch up with myself and with everything around me. It feels like I am running after myself.
There are so many changes, these days. Every day it feels like starting a whole new life when I am waking up. Every night it feels like all my oldest fears and most dense blockages and believe systems are burnt through to allow myself more freedom in walking on along the path of being me. There is no routine, anymore. What has worked for me six months ago to give myself a feeling of being centred does not work, anymore. It sometimes does not even seem to be in reach, anymore.
And then I feel tired all the time. I could sleep twenty hours a day, it seems. And I am sleeping at least ten hours each night. And while I am sleeping I am noticing how a lot of work is done on my system and things are being cleared out and put into place. So, it obviously makes sense to allow this phase of sleepiness instead of exhausting myself even more in fighting it.
So I asked my heart what to do. The answer is simple:
Take a retreat.
Stop chasing, stop trying to keep up, stop doing – for a while.
I know that this is the truth and the solution. Yet I have been struggling with it. So many people are reaching out to me, right now. So many beautiful potentials for wonderful connections are showing up. And I don’t want to disappoint anybody. I don’t want to let all the beautiful readers of my blog down. I want to show up.
And then during an e-mail exchange with a friend from South Africa and later during a call with my partner, today, who currently is visiting his friends and family in the United States I got the answer to this.
Showing up does not necessarily mean to put out content all the time. It can also mean to simply allow yourself to be you with all that you are, with all your talents and all your needs. And if that means you have a need for retreat then show up with that.
A colleague of mine from Austria is doing this already on her blog. She is posting when it feels right to post and she allows herself retreats when she feels she needs them. For me as a reader this never felt like disappointment. It felt inspiring! It showed me that it is ok to take some time out, once in a while and that it is ok to meet your needs with love.
And so, today, I am showing up. I am showing up as somebody, who has a need for retreat. I am showing up as somebody who needs some integration time. I am showing up as somebody who needs a creative break.
And therefore I am announcing, today, that I allow myself to get my needs met. That means that I will take a time out for approximately two weeks. During that time I may won’t publish any new posts, I may won’t reply to comments and I may won’t catch up with all the beautiful blogs and contents out there – unless I really feel like doing so.
I am taking this retreat time in order to centre and balance myself, again, and to integrate all the changes and clearings I am and have been running through. And I am taking this retreat time in order to be able to give myself fully into the connection with you, whenever we connect. And I am taking this retreat time in order to be able to enjoy my work and my life with all the encounters on the way. To do so, I first have to balance myself, again. 🙂
Do you have any needs that you find difficult to allow yourself to fulfill? Are you allowing yourself some retreat, once in a while?
See you soon!