The Dawning of the New
It has been a long time since I found enough words to fill an article for my blog. I now feel that the time has come to share a bit about what has happened and is happening, here, though. In short I can say this:
I Am Shifting.
Well, that is very short, I admit – although it hits the nail pretty much on the head, as we say in Germany. Yet, I intend to share a few more details about this shifting of mine.
It started around the end of September 2012. My partner Kim did visit his family in the United States of America while I stayed in Germany, clearing up a few things in my life. During this process of clearing I encountered an old blockage. It always felt like an invisible wall that keeps me from reaching for my true dreams and desires. Until then, I had always thought that it had been my mistake, my own weakness that kept me from stepping beyond this wall. That something within me was not ready, yet. This time, though, I was ready. And I could see that it was somewhat out of my hands. I simply could not do it on my own.
Well, as I said: I was ready. So I got myself some help. I went to a channeller – her name is Susanne Stolzenberger – who had been recommended to me several times, to take a deeper look into this issue. I got an appointment for the end of October 2012.
I always tell people that it is ok to get yourself some help and that being responsible for yourself includes knowing when it is time to do so. So, here I was, one month later, following my own advice.
The channelling session was intense. It turned out that I had been carrying some really dense family energies – they literally stuck to me from generations ago. We have been able to clear this and to give those energies that had not been mine to the love and light where they belong. While we were at it we also initiated some more healing on the experiences of abuse I had encountered in younger years.
With all this a deep cleansing and transformation process started. Suddenly I was more aware of things. I could see even clearer where I had been following patterns that did not really have anything to do with who I am. And I could let go of them. This invisible wall was gone. Lots of stuff showed up on the surface – and could finally leave my system. Even my monthly pain in the womb that I had suffered from since my first cycle got much better. Yet, it was an intense time and very personal. Hence, I did not feel like sharing publicly.
When I started to feel some ground under my feet, again, the big universal energy reset of the 12-12-2012/ 12-21-2012 did approach.
Frankly: I had completely underestimated the energetic shift it would bring. I had expected some shift, though. But I was surprised of the power it really had. It was a happy surprise.
Yet, it took some time to integrate all the new energy. Nothing seems to work like it used to do. I mean, I have never been a very “linear” person and never really fitted into the old energetic system. I just could not smoothly align with it. But I had spent nearly forty years with making myself as comfortable as I can within those realms and learned how to cope with it.
Now, everything is so new that nobody really knows how things work, yet. It seems to me that things are much easier, now, than we are used to expect. I just have to think of something and sometimes it is just minutes later that it comes into life. Or days. Or weeks. Not months, years and centuries.
That applies for the supportive and for the destructive thoughts. That makes it also easier to block your own way due to thoughts of fear that went kind of reckless. Or the support comes so quick and easy that it might be overlooked.
In other words: awareness is required. All the time. 24/ 7. And clarity about what we really want. And about why we do not feel ready for some things, yet. Along with that we need a lot of gentleness and tenderness for ourselves. Be good to yourself, folks! Because, if you are not it is quite likely that you will run out of gas much faster than ever. But if you are you might find that replenishment is much more replenishing than you ever experienced it.
So, what I am busy with, now, is finding out where I really want to go and how I can get there. Cathie Barash recently published an article about Courageously Play the Hand You Are Dealt where she is naming some very helpful tools for turning the “Whys” of your life into “Hows”. This kind of work is one part of what I am doing. Another part is to find out how things work best for me in this very new energy. Which kind of day-, week- and monthly rhythm is working for me? How can I get the things I want to do done in a smooth, organic way? What are the things I really want to bring into my life, now?
This all can be quite a delicate process and wants to be approached with a lot of gentleness. It takes courage and sometimes needs to ripen in a very safe space, away from the internet and public communications.
Besides, many things have been so new for me that I am still struggling to find words and terms that feel appropriate.
I can tell you so much: I took the courage to consider a much more artistic direction. Finally!
During end of December and start of January we also went into the next round to obtain the residence permit in Germany for my partner Kim. I had shared a bit about how dense and crazy it used to go at the offices in my article The Place That Sends You Mad.
It still was a long way since then, yet, the new energy was quite noticeable since December 2012. For example: In Germany it is a duty to have a health insurance. To get the residence permit the aliens office requires a health insurance. To get a health insurance the insurance office requires a residence permit. The people of the health insurance office have been very friendly and helpful, as much as they could, actually. They gave Kim a provisional membership which would become valid as soon as he would have his residence permit. But that was not enough for the aliens office. What nobody told us until December was that a one year travel health insurance would have worked… FUNNY! (I don’t think they were fulfilling their information duty, here, actually…)
When we were about to mail the application to the travel health insurance company we found a letter in our post box from the public health insurance that they have accepted Kim as a full member, now – dated on December 21st 2012 (mind the special date!). We had not told them about the travel health insurance, yet, because we first wanted to see, what happens, there. So they could not know that they might had been about to lose a customer. It just came out of the blue. Of course we accepted this generous chance, as Kim would need this kind of health insurance, anyway, sooner or later and it was already kind of them to accept him at all due to his age.
When we then went back to the aliens office they told us, everything would be fine, now, and it would take several weeks until Kim will get his residence permit. His visa, though, would expire within a few days… That would mean getting up at 3 AM and lining up in the middle of the night in winter, again. What happened: A few days later we got mail that Kim can fetch his residence permit at the office! A second miracle! No further struggle, no freezing in the cold at night. THANK YOU! 😀
So, Kim has his residence permit, now, and the final sprint was actually done in ease and grace by all participants!
That’s it from my transformative-shifting snail shell, for today. I hope each of you is doing well in this time of shifts and changes on these very new grounds.
Thank you for your loyalty, for stopping by so regularly and for taking the time to read this.
Much love to all of you!