About Awareness, Time and Deceleration
Do you know this?
- You are sitting at the computer, everything is done, and the computer actually could be turned off. But you are not doing so as if you were expecting the next e-mail to fill that black hole which opens up at the end of the day like a dried-up well.
- You feel like waiting for something, all day, and suddenly the day is over and you still feel unfulfilled.
- You feel like the day flies by and you are kind of chasing after yourself.
Now, I know this feeling very well and lately I have reflected a lot about it. And I have noticed something:
- When I am sitting at the computer, not turning it off, hoping the next e-mail brings in fulfilment I am already leached out and have actually spent too much time at the computer.
- When I am feeling like waiting for something all day I am paying too little enough attention to my own needs.
- When the day is flying by like nothing I am checking-in too little.
Every time, I am causing those feelings myself with my own behaviour. I believe I would have to fulfil some expectations brought to me from the outside. Then I place those (supposed) expectations from the outside above my own needs on the inside and hope, that the outside will fulfil my needs. The latter, of course, does not happen, usually. And that then feels quite frustrating and leached out.
What fills up my inner well? What fulfils me? How can I be with myself?
The first step for me is, here, to be aware. First of all I am allowed to check-in and perceive these feelings.
- Once more, I am sitting at the computer and do not manage to turn it off. – Hang on! What am I really feeling, now? Is perhaps my well feeling dried-up?
- Once more, I technically want to work on my projects but somehow I do not manage to start with it. – Hang on! What am I really feeling, now? Am I perhaps feeling somehow unfulfilled?
- Once more, I do not get anything done at all and time is just trickling down. – Hang on! What am I really feeling, now? Am I perhaps feeling neglected and overwhelmed?
Every such moment is a hint about where in my life I may allow more balance. So, I ask myself any time when I notice that everything seems to get out of hand:
Hang on! What am I really feeling, now?
The second step for me is to take time. I am allowed to take time being with those feelings and listening to them.
- Oh, my well is feeling dried-up. What is that telling me? Is it maybe an invitation to re-fill the well? What would fill my well, now?
- Oh, I am feeling somehow unfulfilled. What is that telling me? Is it maybe an invitation to give fulfilment to myself? What would be fulfilling for me, now?
- Oh, I am feeling neglected and overwhelmed. What is this telling me? Is it maybe an invitation to be less with others and more with me? What would lead me to myself, now?
Each of these feelings is holding an invitation for me. So I check-in and ask:
What is that telling me? What am I invited to, now?
The third step for me is to consciously decelerate. I am allowed to stop expending effort for something on the outside and to start turning towards my inside.
- Okay, my well is feeling dried-up. Instead of waiting for it to be filled sometime by something from the outside I may allow the gift of filling the well myself.
- Okay, I am feeling somehow unfulfilled. Instead of waiting for something on the outside to fulfil me I may allow the gift of giving fulfilment to myself.
- Okay, I am feeling neglected and overwhelmed. Instead of waiting for somebody to turn towards me sometime from the outside I may allow the gift of me turning towards myself.
Each of these situations is holding a gift which I can give to myself. So, I accept the situation and ask:
What gift do I have for me, now? – And then I am giving it to myself.
It is funny with things like awareness and time. We often think we have too little of them. Yet, it is so easy to get them: We can gift them to ourselves. And if we do this we live to see a wonderful deceleration in these seemingly so hectic times.
And, now, it’s your turn.
What is your experience on this topic? Have you ever witnessed behaviour like this on yourself? What helps you to gain some space for yourself?Much love, Steffi