Am I Wrong?
Recently I noticed a lot of programmes or patterns floating around, saying “I am wrong” or “you are wrong”. Do you know this feeling that it suddenly creeps up on you, saying “WRONG”?
It always reminds me of this song:
(Warning: the visual content of the video might be perceived as violent by some.)
For the longest time I actually thought these programmes and patterns were right when they have been telling me that I am wrong. I thought they were speaking the truth. But really, they are not. It is, at least, not my truth.
Their truth, however, is wrong. – Well, hang on, it gets confusing, here.
Their truth, although not necessarily my truth, is not wrong in a sense of a judgement. Their truth, in a sense of perception of the world, is wrongness. That is what they represent. Nothing can be right when aligned with these patterns and programmes. Nothing can feel right under their judgement.
I began to notice this very clearly, last year, when I was basically stripped of all distraction. There was nothing I could possibly have done wrong (or right), yet, this emotion crept up on me and said: “WRONG!” Sometimes it is creeping up on me from the outside; and sometimes it is emerging from the inside. In both cases it merely is a pattern, a programme.
The ones that come from the outside feel like homeless emotions and patterns to me, that are looking for a home. The ones that emerge from the inside feel like old programmes that now are ready to leave and/ or transform.
I cannot really offer a solution for this as I am still navigating my way through it. But I felt like putting it out there and bring awareness to this subject.
Many of us live in a world full of requirements and activity. I did, for a long time. I sometimes would wake up on a morning after the happiest party and feel “WRONG!” – for no reason. I would assign it to a hangover (even though I did not have one). I sometimes would come home from an appointment that went really well and feel “WRONG!” – for no reason. I would rack my brains to find out what had gone wrong. But there was nothing. Or I would just sit and watch a movie and suddenly it would scream at me, again: “WRONG!” – for no reason. I would think the movie had triggered some trauma and wonder why it still can get triggered after years of emotional release work.
Eventually I found out that I had not done anything wrong. I was not born with the wrong sign – because there is no wrong sign. It is just some strange programme or pattern floating around; something, many of us have learned; the accumulation of all the “not good enoughs” we have been taught and experienced.”
I have a feeling that many of us are getting a sense of this, at the moment. Especially as a Highly Sensitive Person and as an Empath, there probably is quite a lot of this accessible, right now. But I reckon, it also is noticeable for “Average” Sensitive Persons.
So, if you are noticing this kind of wrongness that does not allow anything to be right, I want to tell you:
1) You are not alone and you are not going crazy. In fact, you are going healthy as you are beginning to notice these patterns and by that alone are shining the light of awareness.
2) You are not wrong. There is no wrong or right. Wrong and right are just illusions. There is only love and beingness. You are allowed to be. You are allowed to love and be loved.
3) It probably won’t make much sense to fight those programmes.
Fight is rooted in polarity and judgement. That is like oil onto the fire. In my experience, it helps to rather let the patterns be and take a look at what is really there. I allow myself to notice what I notice. I allow myself to know that I know. I allow myself to be that I am. Only I can know my truth.”
Have you ever experienced such “homeless” emotions of wrongness? How did you deal with them? Would you like to share your insights, here?