Feel through it instead of Fear through it
– Or: First Things First
Dieser Beitrag ist auch in deutscher Sprache verfügbar.
Long time, no see…
…due to a break that did not allow space to be announced. This post came to me rather spontaneously and earlier than I had planned to write, again. It has been an interesting time – not to say a wild time. Loads of stuff happened. First it was this kind of stuff that cannot be put into words. A lot did happen but I could not really name it. And a feeling of stuckness seemed to come with it.
Then, since last month, things began to move rather quickly.
First, a long-time neighbour and friend of mine was brought to the hospital due to a terminal illness and I later learned that he will not come back. In fact, I do not even know if he currently resides at a hospice or has already passed. A situation which next to the sadness of seeing a beloved person go required some choices on how I deal with uncertainty and lack of clarity and on who I want to be.
Next, or rather at the same time, my husband and I finally have reached the end of our financial resources and – unless a miracle happens – will ask for help from the state, next week. As I have been in a similar situation, some years ago when I still lived on my own, this feels like a very challenging step for me. It is not because I am ashamed to ask for help. It is because I did not have the best experiences in dealing with the offices. As a matter of fact, it was not a good place to be at all for somebody wired like me (highly sensitive, highly empathic, and absolutely incompatible with the old system…).
Moreover, as soon as Kim and I had decided that we would go and ask for help from the state, a huge wave of fear exploded in my solar plexus which definitely was not my own. How do I know that? Because it was much too big for only one person. For three days in a row I experienced such waves of fear exploding in my lower chakras – mainly in my solar plexus – causing nausea and diarrhoea.
It only ceased to give way for womb pain when my monthly cycle set in on the weekend – earlier than I had expected it. And, boy, that was PAIN. At its peak it was so strong, that for a moment I was not sure if I would first throw up and then die or the other way round. Fortunately, I erupted into tears, instead.
Now, that the womb pain is over, the waves of fear are moving through my solar plexus, again. Although, I am aware that this is not my own fear it still shows up as an all-consuming experience at times. It takes up a lot of concentration to remember, that it has nothing to do with my own situation – which, as you might have guessed, in itself is not exactly un-scary, at the moment. Yet, deep inside I know that all is well for me. I know that I have created a loving and happy path for myself, even if it sometimes looks scary, at first.
Getting Oriented
When so many things come together it sometimes can seem difficult to find out where to start or which way to go.
A tactic that has proven helpful to me is to start with first things first.”
-Stefanie Neumann
What does that mean?
For me that means that I have to find out what is first for me. Rather than reacting on the issue that is putting (seemingly) the most pressure on me from the outside, I take the freedom to choose and act on the task that shows up as most pressing on the inside.
In the case of my situation described above, this means to first give space to those fear waves. There is a lot of it going on in the world and obviously the world, our Mother Earth, can use help with it. Nations experience financial disasters, countries lie in war and streams of refugees are moving from the Middle East to Europe. Not to mention all the things that are going on behind the scenes and of which we maybe do not even hear of in the mainstream Medias. I can see how fear might be an issue within all this. So, this is what I choose to concentrate on, this week: Feeling through those waves of fear.
This makes sense from a bigger perspective, as well. By feeling through it and by that lovingly assisting a higher purpose, I also assist with setting a new standard for my own situation. After all, the source of the fear waves includes the authorities I will have to go to when I want to ask for money. Also, as long as I am at it I can parallelly feel through my own fears if needed. And finally I would not be of much use, sitting in front of the desk at the employment office and shaking like aspen leaves because I have not felt through those waves properly in the first place. (That actually happens when I try to shove it aside when the waves explode…)
How do I know that I have made the right choice?
One sure sign for me is that I instantly become calmer. I suddenly know where my head is, again, and can noticeably breathe more freely. This is something which in my momentary situation shows with particular clarity, as I become calmer and breathe more freely in spite of the fear waves washing over me.
Another sign, just as sure, is that I suddenly become unstuck and things begin to flow, again. In my current case this shows up, for example, by the fact that I have finally scanned in some documents which have been waiting for a week, that I suddenly feel the energy to write those letters which need to be written (for example, to argue about the fact that we owe lower payments to the health insurance than they would like to assume or to ask for deferment of payment or to inquire why the utility billing of our landlord shows such an exorbitantly high number…) and that I am writing this blog post after a rather long break.
How do I feel through fear waves like that?
First of all, I may mention, that I cannot not feel those waves. So, I have the choice to fear through them or to feel through them. And I choose the latter.”
-Stefanie Neumann
A method that has turned out to be helpful for me in feeling through those waves of fear is Ho’oponopono. After feeling into the situation I decided to do Ho’oponopono meditations for at least 10 to 30 minutes a day plus every time when a wave moves through. I also have asked people for help. My mother is sending me energy, my husband is supporting me lovingly and both my husband and my mother are joining in with the Ho’oponopono. Further I asked the spirit world for help. In this case I mainly called on the Angels and Fairies.
Frantic or Self-Possessed
The big question in times like these is how we choose to experience them. Yes, we actually do have a choice. Admittedly, this choice might be easier to notice when sitting safe in my home and talking about fear waves moving through as opposed to walking 5.000 kilometres through half of Europe to make sure that my children can grow up healthy and in peace. On the other hand, I imagine that it takes immense courage and self-possession to actually go on such a journey into the unknown.
We do have a choice. We have options. We can opt for re-action or for action (or for response, as my husband likes to say). We can panic or choose to own our feelings as well as our destiny.
We can fear through times like this or we can feel through the fear.”
-Stefanie Neumann
Personally, I am curious to find out what lies on the other side of the fear. So, I choose to feel through it.
Much love,
Steffi
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Steffi, I am sorry to hear about your fear and pains. I do wish you that you can conquer your feeling. All the best to you .. hugs!
Dear Ute,
Thank you for your compassionate words as well as for the supportive wishes and hugs. All of it is highly appreciated and I am sending hugs your way, too. ❤
I admit, I felt even more horrible during the last three days. Yet, now it feels like it is getting better, at least for the moment. I guess, that simply is how it feels on the way through it. 😉
Much love,
Steffi
Hi Dear Steffi. So sorry to read about the challenges you are facing but inspired by how you are walking through it all. I have to believe there are gifts somewhere in our experiences and new wisdom to take away from them. Feeling our fear and taking those uncomfortable steps is not fun but seems to be part of the healing process as you so wonderfully described. Your authenticity is always refreshing. Many prayers and thoughts your way. Blessings, Cathie
Dear Cathie,
Thank you very much for stopping by as well as for your kind, supportive comments and, of course, for all the wonderfully good energy you are sending!
Like you, I believe that there is some benevolent power lying within all this – even when it feels scary at times. It just sometimes seems difficult to remember when facing such challenges. Yet, up to now, I always walked out of them stronger and wiser, so, let’s hope for the best! 😉
Thank you, also, for letting me know how you perceive my posts. If feels so encouraging and is very much appreciated!
Much love and warm prayers your way,
Steffi
Greetings dear fiend,
Yes, will all getting to the grass roots of our lives.
You know my own changes as I e-mailed you.
Now is living in our truth while accepting that we are.
No excuses, living in conscious choice and knowing all is well if choice come from ourselves.
Feeling into the wild chaotic waves around us and being clear of what´s us.
Each moment aware of our existence we choose again and again in love of self.
We call for all this, now we a the pioneers of find new footsteps for our selves.
Creating a new wave of change that will set a new foundation for the world we envision.
Big hug and know you are not alone….
S and M
Dear Simone,
Thank you for all the good reminders you are sharing with your comment.
True, it literally gets to the roots of our lives – at least I notice a lot of movement in the root chakra. And yes, we did call for this and choose it. Although I know that every (perceived) challenge in my life shows up with the power to move through it I sometimes cannot help but wonder if I really knew what I took on when I chose this before I came back into physical life. Sometimes, it dawns on me that we might forget how it feels in the physical reality when we are outside of it (just as we tend to forget the spiritual reality when deep in the physical)… 😉
No regrets, however!
Sending much love your and Merlin’s way,
Steffi
Ohh dear I can understand you soo well! ❤
The thing about the fear is indeed interesting as I experience massive fear lately too (and often have since I'm alive) that I cannot totally explain to myself. Though I experience it woven in the tiniest aspects of a moment and more personally, it cannot all be lead to my own shadows, or?
Well, I really hope for the higher realms that they support you the very very best possible way with this task. Otherwise Fillandra is going to kick some ass up there :p It's a tough thing and you have my highest respect and love ❤
Financially I couldn't find a answer either so far… I wrote a post this morning feeling it's a mile stone in the posts I've written so far but what a surprise I didn't really get resonance, even only one like and a comment of my fiancé who knew how sad I was. This shows me again how far outside of the usual my situation is. People don't seem to be able to resonate with it.
Blogging is the only straw I have at the time, to feel empowered by doing something. While I'm even less and less able to do the smalled things for my grandma. That's something that makes me nervous and feeling helpless, because of cause the mind automatically cries how am I able to find a job if I'm not even able to get done one thing a day for my nan. My eternal consciousness knows though, that's just me growing out of the old, still standing without something new.
Fascinating how menstruation pain is caused by emotions isn't it? I actually learned this with my very first periods years ago and meditated into it. Now, thank goodness I'm mostly without pain or I know I have an issue to solve.
We had a similar neighbour experience. One day we saw a coffin carried out of the house. It was a good friend of one of our neighbours who 'maybe couldn't handle the energy of the house' (as my mom said). I can't imagine how difficult that must have been for them. (I haven't lost a loved one to death yet)
I send you blessings of strength and support. May the angels wrap you into fluffly wings ❤
Filla
Dear Fillandra,
thank you for your warm reply to this post. – I appreciate your encouraging support and especially like the part where you suggest to go and kick some ass. In fact, I considered to go and do that myself, before. 😀 lol…
How interesting that you are noticing that fear, too. Only yesterday I spoke to my husband, Kim, and was wondering if the anxiety I felt during my youth (to a level of a so called anxiety disorder) might have been of a similar source like those waves I described in the post above.
I have caught up with all your recent posts, yesterday, and must have done that around the same time when you have been writing the comment above. So, I know which post you mean. Clearly we are aiming in a similar direction, don’t we?
I don’t think that people are not able to resonate with this. My feeling is, that it is rather the opposite. More and more people do resonate with it. It is new and scary and nobody knows what to do. Everyody is asking the same questions and nobody knows the answer, yet. I suppose the reason that we sometimes don’t see much of the resonance to posts like this is – apart from the fact that fear often has a paralyzing effect which makes it difficult for people to show up – that everybody is so used to giving answers as opposed to just be with the question. In this case, we are all just creating a new standard, so there are no answers, yet.
You are on the spot with the menstruation pain. It actually tends to come in the same kind of waves like the fear. I have experienced a painful cycle for most of the time and worked on the issues that were behind it. It seems, though, that since quite a while it is not my own stuff, anymore. (Noticable by the fact that, like with the fear, it is too much to be only one person’s stuff.) Dang, why I chose to take that on, I really don not know. I even tried to opt out of the job. But it seems that a withdrawal is not part of the terms and conditions. 😉
How sad that your neigbour has passed. I hope they had a good transition. It is quite a strange experience to see a casket being carried out of ones house, isn’t it? At least, I found it pretty shaking when I witnessed it twice since I live here. I know that passing really only describes a transition and that in truth it does not have to be a big drama. Yet, I feel sad about my friend.
Thank you, again, for all the good wishes. 🙂
Many blessings and much love to you, too ❤ ,
Steffi
Hey Steffi ❤
I thought about the fear thing and realized that it's not just fear for me. I also experience a lot of anger and other emotions. And a lot of pain. Physical pain especially. My teeth often hurt like hell (I actually finally tried the tooth oil today, which you suggested to me, and am excited to see how it will help), certain things I assume I broke once hurt, muscles or any other body part for no obvious reason.
The thought you shared with your husband, I can ask this myself about my own life in some way. Though I'd rather explain my emotional struggle of the past with the discrepance between my vibration and the vibes of the world. And some more complex things I'm not quite able to describe right now.
Thank you so much for shifting my perspective to a new point, about why there was so much less resonance to this post then to the previous, that was really enlightening. 🙂
Yes actually I'm lucky that people rather say nothing than throwing all their fear and any other triggered emotion on me xD
Yes being able to live with and allow/embrace a situation that has no answer yet, seems to be one of the lessons we learn. It sometimes feels easier and sometimes harder to embrace but it's okay all the time. There never has been a lesson in this universe that has bitten his student into the foot. Only piranhas do that :p
Hugs ❤
Filla
I’d like to add that I tend to feel emotionally better after it’s gotten past 6-8 pm. Thought that might be interesting. I guess it’s do people are going home from work.
And also, the more go to sleep at night the lighter and happier and more myself I feel.
That’s actually very interesting as Kim and I noticed times blocks of more and less activity as well…!
Personally, I noticed that I usually feel good in the mornings and that the “fear waves” set in towards the afternoon. I suppose that was when people finally get home from work, as well, and thought that maybe now there was a space for them to notice all the stress which they had to push aside all day.
And, yes, the later the night and in the early morning hours it feels so much lighter and happier to me as well!
Very interesting, isn’t it…?!
❤ Hugs,
Steffi
totally…. hmm depends on what we go in resonance with due to where we personally stand. In the end, even if the biggest part of what we feel is collective, it must be ours to some part because otherwise it couldn’t go in resonance with us 🙂
Not sure if I mentioned it in one of the comments today, but sadness was a big thing for me today…
🙂 ❤
Agreed, we can only recognize what we know. I don’t have to be sad to notice somebody else’s sadness, but I surely must have experienced it at some point. And if I experience these waves of fear and what-not, they must be mine to feel, no matter where they come from. 🙂
Yes, sadness seems to be a topic, today, doesn’t it? – Sorry that you felt sadness, today. ❤
Yes that’s so true that I forgot the perspective I had before *giggle*
I’m at peace with sadness today. With my in general today. It’s a typical ‘I feel crappy waking up and the later it gets the more at peace I am’-day ^^
❤
Hej Filla,
Thank you for your insights. They are much appreciated and I find them very enlightening. ❤
Regarding the fear waves I actually came to the same realisation as you after feeling through the first mass of fear. It is a mix of all kinds of things. I suppose that in the end it all boils down to fear, though, because I have a feeling that all the anger, pain, frustration and sadness originally comes from fear.
Regarding the pain – especially on body parts that bear scars or scar like memories – yes, Kim and I have been noticing that, too. I hope the tooth oil has as good as an effect for you as it has for me!
Regarding my thougts about the anxiety I had in younger years and what you shared about it – I wonder if these two things kind of go hand in glove?
I am glad that I was allowed to assist in the matter of how you felt about your beautiful blog post. You are welcome and thank you, once more, for putting it "out there". ❤
"There never has been a lesson in this universe that has bitten his student into the foot. Only piranhas do that" – I love that! 😀