Don’t Take It Personally… – Really?
Have you ever had someone tell you:
“Do not take it personally”
– maybe even after somebody said or did something to you, that really hurt you? Has this advice actually helped you? Yes? No? A little?
I often heard the above sentence after getting stabbed metaphorically. And although I appreciate the good advice and I get what people mean when they say that, it never really helped me.
Because, often I sense the actual reasons for people to act hurtful. I surely do not know everything and often feel quite surprised by the way of how people interact with each other. Yet, I always had a rather deep understanding of human nature. In other words: I know that their actions are based on their own fears and worries. And often I understand why they have to (re-)act like they do. I see that they are in pain, themselves and hence are reacting with hurt. Yet, it still hurts me.
Because, life is a personal experience and not taking it personally would undermine the whole purpose of being here.
Take it personally! – Life is a personal matter. And remember that the choices of others always have something to do with themselves personally, only, and not with you.”
What does help me, though, is to become clear about responsibilities. We all are acting in response to each other. And we are acting in response to so much more, to everything, in fact.
Maybe the sentence:
“Do not take it personally”
does this for some people. That is wonderful.
When I hear this sentence it feels to me as if I am not allowed to feel the hurt that I am feeling. As in:
“Don’t do this!” and “Don’t do that!”
I do take it personally. The hurt that I am feeling is a personal experience. The cause-and-effect is a personal experience. The interaction on earth is a personal experience. So, I take it personally.
It helps me to allow myself to notice what I notice and to feel what I feel.
It also helps me to take responsibility for my feelings and my experience.
Once I have this figured out, I also can see much clearer the responsibility of the other person. And I have to say, although I totally understand that we sometimes say and do things that hurt others and that this often happens as a reaction to something that has not much to do with the person standing in front of us, we still are responsible for our actions and reactions.
When I feel hurt by someone’s action or reaction, I am responsible for my reaction to this – and how I feel about it is a reaction, too. And the other person is responsible for sending out energies that might hurt others. My knowing that the reasons for their behaviour have more to do with how they feel about themselves rather than about me does not take this responsibility away from them. They still can step up and say:
if they feel it is appropriate. Or I can do so, if I was the one who hurt somebody else.
With the awareness:
- that I only need to take responsibility for my own actions and reactions and that I am allowed to let the responsibility for the actions and reactions of others be theirs
- that I am allowed to notice what I notice and to feel what I feel
- that we are all human and are all here to share the experience of divine personality with each other
it actually does help me to know, that the hurtful interaction of another person with me does have more to do with how they feel about themselves than with me, personally.
On the other hand, and I am just noticing this now, while I am writing these words, maybe a part of the pain is exactly that: being seen as a projection screen and not being seen as who I am.
How do you experience this life on earth? Is it a personal matter for you? Or do you have a different perspective? Would you like to share your insights, here?
Are you ready to shine a bright light on the path of beingness, today?