On Losing Faith … And Finding It, Again

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Dieser Blogbeitrag ist auch in deutscher Sprache verfügbar.

In the recent past I have been though stuff – through a lot of it, too. I suppose, I am not the only one, even if we look at a period beyond two years ago. That is, at least, what I picked up on.

I have stated it a couple of times, lately, that in the past six and a half years I have seen the worst of people. This has thrown me. I mean, I have seen pretty bad stuff, before and I have always overcome it somehow – even the stuff that I was told would be something one cannot overcome but merely learn to live with. I have overcome it.

But this time I thought perhaps I am not going to make it. Things had gotten so dark. Also, something had happened. It was, as if something had broken inside of me, like a broken heart.


What I have experienced was, that I lost faith. And in retrospect I have to say, this was probably the first time in my life. Before, I had doubts in what I saw around me, even doubts that I belonged here. But there had always been this loving light inside of me, even during the darkest hours. A light I could not ignore, even when I tried. I know, now, that this was faith. For whatever reason and despite everything I had an unshakable faith in life and that this life will take care of me.

The threats I have experienced in the recent years, the ugly reactions – or non-reactions of people when being faced with inconvenient truths, the increasing pressure, the decreasing care and charity… it has really shaken me. And in the end, I actually lost faith. Bummer. And the best part, I did not even notice that I had lost it. Only that there was this dark and sticky hole inside of me. Usually, I would have assigned this to some kind of midlife crisis, as I am in the right age group for this, now, and there may have been some of that at work. But that alone could never have done it. Besides, I have observed this happening to many people, currently – of all genders and age groups.

What I did was, that I kept looking at what was happening with me and to me. First, I kept asking: ‘Why?’. This did help in some regards, but at one point, the insight coming from this had reached its limit. So, I simply kept looking for the right questions to ask so that I could find out, what was going on. A good one to start with I found to be: “What do I need to know, now?” That in combination with an unbridled will to receive answers to those questions must have done it because at last I began so see signs throughout my everyday life that provided answers and eventually brought deep insights for me.

Have I overcome the crisis? – Well, let us just say I am not exactly at a point of the path where I am able to tell. I am, however, on the path. And it seems to be a pretty good one, I might add.


What challenges have you faced in life? How did you overcome them?

Are you ready to shine a bright light of awareness on the path of beingness, today?

Much Love,
Steffi
This blog post has been inspired by the WordPress Bloganuary 2022 prompt of day fourteen:
Write about a challenge you faced and overcame.
Find my other blog posts of this category, here: Bloganuary (E)
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