Feel It, Don’t Conceal It

Hell-lilane, halb geschlossene Krokusse auf grüner Wiese. - © Stefanie Neumann - #KBFPhotography - All Rights Reserved. - Fair lilac, half-closed crocuses on a green meadow.

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Feel it, do not conceal it. – This is a message I have been reminded of during the last week.

Over the past five years I have been presented with very challenging situations. More over, ever more was coming and no help was in sight. To the point where I could not go on anymore.

Fortunately, this was noticed by the Universe and my cry for help is beginning to get heard.

It is still challenging. And sometimes even scary. Those are the moments when I would like to do what everyone around me seems to prefer doing: Stick my head in the sand like an ostrich.

The problem is, this does not change anything about the challenging and scary situation.

Sometimes there is not much that can be done about things, at all. This feels most overwhelming and paralysing and it is sucking the life force out of me.

Those are the moments when I want to just shove everything aside and not feel anything anymore.

But that is like being stuck in a bog and flailing with my arms. It only makes me sink deeper faster.

Denying the reality I live in does not help me to deal with it.

So, how do I get out of the paralysis, the stuckness? How do I stop myself from sinking into the bog even faster?

Well, first of all I have to stop flailing with my arms and become still. I have to stop denying and start to accept.

On Jennifer Farley’s blog The Creator Writings I recently read the phrase ‘Walk with it’. It was explained that walking with the challenging experience can lead to a deeper understanding of it. Or, in other words: Being with it can bring more clarity.

I have to say that throughout my life I have experienced this as very true. I do not know if it is true for everyone, but for me it surely seems to work like this.

Eckhart Tolle calls this being in the Now and surrendering so that we can yield the flow of life rather than opposing it.

When I looked at all the mess that kept piling on, particularly during the past two and a half years, I realised that there where times when I did not even have space to feel my way through things and to walk with them. I was so busy with surviving. And then, when I had a little more space, again, I had not noticed that I had gotten away from the healthy habit of feeling through things. It had just been too much to handle and not enough help. And eventually fear got the better of me and I started to listen to that old conditioning of reaction.

Reaction allows us to act quickly and rather instinctively in dangerous situations. So it can be very helpful when someone is able to react quickly.

However, there is a time for everything and at some point comes the time when we have space for more careful consideration. And in those moments, reactiveness can lead to a very static behaviour pattern that can keep us stuck in certain places and prevent change.

Now, that things are lightening up a bit, there is space for consideration. It may not be much but enough to cause and allow change. Change that is urgently needed. And if you do not have much, it is even more important to make the best out of it.

People say, I am good at that and I believe they are right.

The challenging part about being with things after such a long time pure survival is, that I also begin to notice, how big the poop pile is, that kept collecting up at my feet when the shit was hitting the fan.

For a moment it feels even more awful and scary. Those are the moments when I have to remember, that I can notice the awfulness and scare now, because now there is space. And the fact that there is space means that things are getting better. Besides, the awful, scary situation has already lasted for years and I have lived with it every day.

Noticing this does not make the situation itself worse. It just makes me aware of it, and this awareness helps me to gain clarity so that I can find ways out of the misery.

Someone on Twitter recently said that there is no need to search for happiness because we are it.

When I read this I did not really feel like happiness. At the same time I knew he was right because I have experienced this truth before. So I was wondering how it could be that right now I could not access this experience.

I wondered if in those moments when I cannot experience happiness, fear has gotten the better of me and managed to shoo me out of my center, my Temple.

Then I wondered how that had happened to me.

Finally I realised that this probably happened while I was busy with surviving, hence reacting and then I got stuck there because my old conditioning, the one that I have once learned, when I grew up, told me to conceal and not to feel. It told me that there cannot be happiness if I look at the scary things, notice the negativity and feel what this does to me.

I also realised that this is wrong. I even know it from experiences I have already made.

And then it began to flow. And it felt awful. It felt like a breakdown but in truth it was a breakthrough because it made space for change.

Things are still pretty awful. Yet, I can also experience a lighteneing up.

Why am I sharing this?

Because I know that many people are currently having a hard time and I figured, maybe I am not the only one who made experiences like this. And just like I needed a reminder, maybe otheres can use one, too.

Or maybe it just helps someone to know, that they are not alone in this.

Or maybe it helps someone to better understand the choices of a loved one who is wired differently than them.

It is not a rule or a religion or something that is written in stone for everyone else. It simply is my experience. And exchanging experiences help to gain better understanding and sometimes it also inspires.

The world needs more understanding and inspiration.

So, there you go.

How are you dealing with challenging or scary situations? What works for you?

Are you ready to shine a bright light of awareness on the path of beingness, today?

Much Love,

Steffi